Here and there I get an email from a young woman looking for relationship advice. This one in particular stood out most to me and I'm almost positive that alot of you out there can relate, So I thought I would share this with you all. If any of you out there have any further advice for this young woman please feel free to leave your comments in the comment box!! xoxo JTP
Jen-
I need your advice big time. I dont know why but it seems so much easier to ask someone I dont know for help, basically bc I really dont want all my friends and family in my business!! I dont even know where to start. Have you ever been in a situation where your heart & your head are fighting? Thats pretty much what im goin thru. Im engaged to the person I love and it should be the happiest time in my life, right?? Im happy but there are just so many issues that make me feel conflicted about the whole thing. My finace is a great guy; but on the other hand hes insanely jealous. Suspicious of my every move. Im the kinda girl who has alot of guy friends- im sure you can relate. You know how when your close with guys on a friend level thats the only way you seem them. i would NEVER consider bein more than just friends with them; but its like he cant see that. Is it just me or is it ignorant for someone to think that men and women cant be friends without sex bein involved??Dont get me wrong I know there are alot of girls out there who have "guy" friends but really theyre fuck buddies-but thats NOTme at all!! Im so damn tired of bein accused of cheating or lying whenever we fight! You know that Keyshia Cole song, I shoulda cheated- thats really how i feel. For real, I might as well if im gonna keep gettin accused of it. But i LOVE him, dont want anyone else- I cant even picture bein with anyother man. I left a big city to go live with him in the midwest. I cant explain how bad it pisses me off when he says I dont care about him. Im sorry, but if i didnt I wouldnt have left my favorite city in the country to go live in the midwest. I look around at my friends out partyin, livin it up the same way I used to and I miss that. But the other side of me wants to be in this commited relationship , I just feel like its not working out. In no way do I wanna leave him just so I can party. Its more than that. Its so damn hard to explain. Im sure none of this is making sense to you but please try to see where im comin from! lol. I dont know, its like half of me loves this man and wants to be with him. The other half LOVES him but feels like for ME I need to be doing what I want. Living where I want. Im 21years old and sometimes I just feel like this is not the life that I had planned for myself.I dont know what to do!! I love him and wanna be with him. I just need another persons advice. I know your busy, so whenever you get around to responding Id really appreciate it!
Ps. Ur the shit and I agree with everything you say!!! Everything!
Advice:Hey sweetie!!! your story is all too familiar and I along with tons of other women can relate 100%!!!!! Ur not alone believe that much. What I have learned from situations like this is that communication is KEY!! The two of you need to talk first and foremost. Start off on a positive note and let him know how much you truly care for him and love him ( men need this sometimes more then women) be honest with him about who ur friends are etc... just be open and honest and put it all out on the table. Whats the worst thats gonna happen? He's not gonna want to be with u? Well if thats the case he was never the one for you to begin with him. Thats what I always tell myself when I get scared to just say whats on my mind...Whats the worst thats gonna happen.. he'll leave.... it gives me an inner strength to be open and honest.Because I know in my mind and heart that if he leaves my life won't crumble or be over...and thats what you need to continue to tell yourself.... you have way too many years ahead of you to start a career ,or stay with him and start a life or even go back to school. Whatever it is that will help make u a better and happier person you must pursue.
You're a very young woman and if you have any doubts you may need to take a break and figure out what it is that will make you complete. Always remember you can LOVE him but you MUST always LOVE yourself more! At the end of the day you only have yourself to count on.
xoxo jen the pen
I hope this helped!!!! Keep in touch and let me know how everything works out!
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2 comments:
It has always been my experience when people obsessively accuse you of doing something its sometimes because they are doing it. I really hope this isn't the case but I agree with Jen. Talk to him. Worst case is he leaves and you can go back and party with your friends and hang w/ you homeboys w/o the stress.
Yo coming from a dudes perspective
It probably aint you that he dosent trust its that dude,Because wether you want to belive it or not your "friend" would fuck you if you let him and belive me he's waiting for the day that you let him. You saying that you love your man and you dont want to be with any other man but what if the shit was on the other foot and he had a chick he was cool with ? Bottom line if you love him it should be no problem to stop chilling and keeping in contact with any dudes for the sake of your relationship and possible future marrige, But honestly judging by the way you wrote you lettter I could sense some doubts in your mind, You probaly thinking "is this the guy for me ?" "Is this really the man i want to spend the rest of my life with ?" The marrige is doomed from the start.There is a part of you that still wants to go chill and bugg out and have a good time and honestly who could blame you ? your only 21 & You got your whole life ahead of you, Honestly if you love him but not enough to stop the contact between you and your guy friends you should just be real with yourself and see how your going to go about ending this relationship. Dont be one of these bitches who stays with a nigga till somehting better comes along!!
Be easy ......
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